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A letter to the unmarried man

Nana Kesse May 07, 2018

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivYT1yXStXjAV77F-dp8TQsDsC3rvvZ4vjvxD9o9TxKIvZuL5OAVRx6Ze12YyO0MvxIczSliNCEUopI9_huiOl_oe1PWljUvaWrpKceGck8N_81Ie42S6pLZfh_I-36g40GkTcONMQjyx2/s1600/letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="614" data-original-width="564" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivYT1yXStXjAV77F-dp8TQsDsC3rvvZ4vjvxD9o9TxKIvZuL5OAVRx6Ze12YyO0MvxIczSliNCEUopI9_huiOl_oe1PWljUvaWrpKceGck8N_81Ie42S6pLZfh_I-36g40GkTcONMQjyx2/s1600/letter.jpg" /></a></div>Dear Younger Brother, 
 
I trust you are doing well today. It has become needful for me to talk to you about this matter again. Ultimately, I want you, not your mother or ego, to be happy in your marriage. There are no assurances; I have seen marriages that had it all figured out running aground. 
 
But I believe that when we make the right choices based on the right motives, we grossly reduce the chances of an unhappy marriage. So by this I want to help you realign what you look out for in choosing a woman. 
 
As you already know, I can be 'UnAfrican' with some of these views, and it may hit on multiple nerves that will be hard for you to handle. But I hope you will look past your prejudices and cultural stereotypes and listen to reason. By way of introduction, let me sit this here; a woman's body alone does not make a good marriage. Humility alone does not make a happy home. Breast, buttocks, good sex, cleaning and cooking do not make a good home. What makes a good home is security. 
 
Every home where there is security is a home with joy, peace and hope. Security is not always financial, but it is a critical component. Give a woman security and you will have her for life. I have seen men with nothing securing their wives in many ways to a point where no amount of monetary enticement could make these women look elsewhere. And I have seen men with so much wealth losing their wives to men with no address on Ghana Post GPS, because they couldn't give these women the security they needed beyond money. When it comes to the 21st Century 'Woke' woman, money is not everything; she makes her own, remember? 
 
So in choosing a life partner, choose a woman with whom you can have in your home, for both of you Intellectual, Financial, Emotional, Psychological and Social security. 
 
Intellectual security comes from knowing that you and the woman in your life can put your thoughts together to build a legacy that will live longer than both of you. It comes from knowing intrinsically your wife's position on things, making it easier to make the right choices on her behalf. 
 
The woman in your life should also have the confidence that she knows your position on things so she can make choices on your behalf without recourse to you as to how to dot the 'I' and cross the T. Big breasts and cooking, all good, until you realize that in the prime of your life, you cannot trust your wife's judgment. That is no security. 
 
I dare add that one of the loneliest moments in a man's life is being married to a woman you cannot think with, not because she has strong views, but because she has no views at all. Yes, you can quote me. Unless you are not going anywhere in life, then anyone is absolutely ok in your boat. 
 
But if you are going to be great and go places, then you need an independent brain that gives you another world view so you can wisely make choices after careful consideration. I mean, what is the point in marrying and thinking with someone else who is not your wife? Then why all that pomp and pageantry? For sex and cooking? Please, people get that for far less. 
 
Security comes from Financial stability. You do not need a woman you can push around with your wealth; a woman who will die when you close the tap of your wealth. No, you need a woman with track record of making her own money so you can join forces with her and make ten times. If you find pleasure in a Woman who can't turn money around, thus making it easier to tie her to your apron strings while you loathe the one who has control over money, has a voice and a sense of independence, then your world view is an unwholesome one. 
 
Remember, independent thinking, brazen choices and hard decisions made her who she is. To expect her to shut up is to tell her to retrogress. No. Respect her voice, her views and her choices. She has proof that they lead to profit. 
 
While you desire an Ephesians 5:22 kind of woman, remember there is a Proverbs 31:10 kind of woman too. If your wife cannot bring anything to the table, or take care of the family in your financial downtime, and it is OK with you because you do not want a woman to compete with you, then my young friend, you will carry needless burdens. Do not look at the downside of a successful woman (through the distorted African cultural lens) and over look the benefits. Not all successful women are unruly; and sometimes, unruliness is a perceptual thing that cannot be proven through an objective lens. A financially pressed home is an insecure one. 
 
Emotional and psychological security also make a homework. You need a woman you can disagree with over issues and not get blackmailed with tears because they cannot make any intelligent defense except to gag you with tears. You need a woman who knows how to isolate issues and address them objectively without throwing things out of orbit. 
 
You need a woman who is emotionally mature to hold herself together and not give you drama or draw drama out of you. An emotionally mature woman will know and respect your sensitivities and consider it in her social affairs, ensuring that she doesn't excite you unduly. 
 
To live under the same roof with a woman who doesn't give you emotional and psychological security is just like living in a house with a leaking roof in a rainy season. Ko ko ko ko... The sound of her contention; and it never ends. How does she handle your failings? How does she handling your weaknesses? How does she even handle her own failings and weaknesses? If you are not psychologically and emotionally secure in your own marriage, nothing matters; not breasts, sex or Continental meals. 
 
Security is also social and academic. You want your SSS leaver or your HND leaver so you can Lord over her, and forbid her to go past that. You lock her down with her first degree so you can be her Go To place when she needs to think thru the lens of modernity; you become her Wikipedia. Until you rise up in life, and the woman you thought was apt for you back then, does not fit into your broader agenda. When you sit with women who shake and move the world, you realise your wife can't be like that. When you need help and other woman are helping you, you realise your wife has no such social equity. You suddenly realize that SSSCE mattered 15 years back, but not now. 
 
Have you seen your MPs and other New Money guys who broke through from the lower strata of life, suddenly going after fresher and smarter ladies? Yes. They didn't have a choice. They couldn't afford a degree girl then. You can afford a lady who has social value and equity. You have access to women through whom a whole new dimension of life can be opened to you. 
 
You have at your disposal women who are a leverage for your future. Do not let petty unschooled ego take the only thing that may set you apart for something great in the future. If your wife cannot give you any social security, if your life is exactly the same with our without the woman in your life, brother you may want to rethink who you are throwing away and who you are elevating. 
 
And for those of you who are connected spiritually, there is nothing like a woman who can hold the fort when you are down and out. There is no security as a woman who can stand in the gap when pressures of life makes you run faster than your God. There is nothing like a woman who offers an alternative way (through prayer) when every other way is exhausted. There is nothing as securing as a woman you can trust to take Godly and sane decisions because she fears God. A woman who will stand by you in the midst of all your struggles as a couple, and not abandon you when the turd hit the fan. 
 
You will have to give up something for something, my dear friend. Your ego must go so you can accept that the 21st Century woman will not be like your grand mother. Your Ego must go, so can have a wife like Abigail, who covers up your foolishness with shrewdness when your very life is at stake. Your 'Petty' Coat must come off with all its ancillary lightweightedness and airheadedness so you can be like the Husband of the Proverbs 31 woman. That is a husband who is known in the gates, not because he works hard and is the only voice at home, but because his wife props him up. 
 
That woman considers fields and buys them, she has ships. Her husband is not her accountant or auditor or her investment advisor. Her husband is her cheer leader, because the man believes in her shrewdness, and intrinsically understands that if that much money is given to him, probably, he will mess it up. But you see, he is still celebrated. It can be you, You can be celebrated for your wife's success; yes it is possible...except..maybe the money will still be in her name. Yea, that is the bit you can't handle. You will be fine. 
 
You need to give up something for something. You need to let go of the past to enjoy the marriage of today. It is a new dawn. You can embrace the woman of today so you unleash her full benefits as your wife, or you can reject her so you go after those with little or no utility, and live a life of frustration and a home of disequilibrium. It is a scary thing but it is a beautiful thing. If other men would be honest to discuss their experiences, you would know you can actually enjoy your home married to such a woman. 
 
In the end, if you earn 10k and she earns 10k, that is 20k. Who needs a wife to cook or clean or wash? Why can't you get two people to do that for 1k so she can Slay and make things happen in the world around her.... Just like the women you drool over? And in all of this you are pressing your parents to send your sister to Wesley Girls of Holy Child. And after that where? UG? Ashesi? Then where? Her masters? And all of this so no man marries her? No. You want her married so she can enjoy the bliss of a fruitful companionship. But for you, another man's sister who has also gone thru that process is an anathema for you? Bruh! 
 
Enjoy your weekend, think about this letter and meditate on it. Let it guide your choices and may you find lasting succour in times of confusion. 
 
Your Friend, 
 
Paa George

Dear Younger Brother, I trust you are doing well today. It has become needful for me to talk to you...

Relationships

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Stop Reporting The One You Are Dating

Nana Kesse April 30, 2018

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie_9j-8J82iWDXLUbWvdblJ9f3pHfO39e9HjmaWez-yEzqeRTMUgqUmMYpTe3Mpu6_QNffGF1P0Yh9b39i3FhP5XP2jfz51MSfnH2ueR03b8IYFiXpmyWy-K9wE8br3X-SqL4nbk056-tL/s1600/dating1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="388" data-original-width="550" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie_9j-8J82iWDXLUbWvdblJ9f3pHfO39e9HjmaWez-yEzqeRTMUgqUmMYpTe3Mpu6_QNffGF1P0Yh9b39i3FhP5XP2jfz51MSfnH2ueR03b8IYFiXpmyWy-K9wE8br3X-SqL4nbk056-tL/s1600/dating1.jpg" /></a></div>I have come to realize that some people are mentally immature; they are still in high school in life, and think reporting someone's bad character to their family equals to changing them. Stop reporting your boy or girlfriend to their parents, siblings, friends, etc. 
 
They are not the problem rather you. Dating means to study someone for marriage, not to change someone for marriage. 
 
You can't change people just because you love them. They rather can change themselves because they love you. If the one you are dating shows you their real character and you are not happy with it, talk to them about it, give them time to work on that. If with all the time, advice and effort, they are not changing for the better, it means they don't love you and there is no need reporting them to their loved ones. 
 
What you really need is counselling if you are not sure you are doing the right thing, or you want to find out whether they are the right person for you or not, instead of trying to change them into the right person for you. 
 
If the one you love sees the value of being with you, working on themselves and their character becomes easy for them. You wouldn't need to convince them or force their loved ones to convince them to change for you. 
 
If you have to let go of such a relationship, you don't have to feel guilty for doing what is best for you. You don't follow your feelings, you follow your future. It is surprising to know your mind tells you the truth; which is to let go but your heart still deceives you to hold on. In case you don't know "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful" - Jeremiah 17:9a (MSG). 
 
You need to learn how to let go when the one you are studying does not have what you want in your spouse-to-be. It is a favour you do yourself by walking away when a connection you have for someone you are dating starts to fade. It is a blessing to leave someone who starts to mistreat you, lie to you and abuse you, rather than hoping for them to change. 
 
It is a complete waste of time, energy and resource trying to fix what is not meant to be. Whilst one person doesn't value you, there are tons waiting for the opportunity to love you better. Make the best of time and not waste out of time. 
 
Stop expecting too much from dating, go into such relationships with the heart and mind to learn about people. Don't settle because of a pretty face or a fat wallet. None of the above is permanent. Character is everything. A pretty face fades with time, property may be destroyed, money may lose its purchasing power but character will always be in demand under all conditions. 
 
You've got to give up not because you didn't love but because you are tired of getting hurt. You want a marriage where you can look at your partner and smile, not one where the sight of your partner causes you to cry. 
 
In conclusion "As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person" - Proverbs 27:19 (NLT). 
 
 
 
 
By: Counselor Adofoli

I have come to realize that some people are mentally immature; they are still in high school in life...

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Don't Force Anyone To Love You

Nana Kesse April 30, 2018

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdCsuzkDvVqkbOu1m450ouDFU_r7-Msc3fB9G0VUkY3TsORBU7JPIiXgXd0xtP5af-SsSfnRE19zBEgnWHKlkKqSEzMciieaVoqEM-E_55DRfZC2o8uwnXKwqH3md9K0a7TRzP_Xng0dYi/s1600/o-I-LOVE-YOU-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdCsuzkDvVqkbOu1m450ouDFU_r7-Msc3fB9G0VUkY3TsORBU7JPIiXgXd0xtP5af-SsSfnRE19zBEgnWHKlkKqSEzMciieaVoqEM-E_55DRfZC2o8uwnXKwqH3md9K0a7TRzP_Xng0dYi/s1600/o-I-LOVE-YOU-facebook.jpg" /></a></div>Have you felt so much love for someone yet they don't feel the same towards you? And you think putting pressure or force on them will make them accept you? 
 
Many people do this. When it comes to men especially some women accept your love proposal just because they are tired of your persistent disturbance, when in actual fact your presence, words and actions turn them off. Instead of running away from such pressure, the best option to them is to play by your rules or demands. 
 
Most of these relationships often lead to hurt in the long run when you finally realize that the person in question is not real with you; that they only pretended to be in love with you and were forced to respond "I love you too". They always feel guilty saying "I miss you too", knowing they don't feel that way. This is done to avoid your reaction if the respond is otherwise. 
 
It is such a beautiful thing for someone to ask for nothing but your company, to be given permission to put a smile on your face, but you need to give them the freedom and time to accept or reject your request. 
 
A lot of times people think all love stories should start with a "yes", but the truth is most of the beautiful ones started with a "no". I know it’s not easy for some people to open up and express what they feel for someone, sometimes they even have to risk their friendship to do that. 
 
Love is not a business for the faint-hearted but the strong. The weak heart gets broken when their love is neither returned nor accepted, but the strong at heart can continue to love after being hurt. 
 
Love is a gift and has to come from the heart freely. Most importantly it’s beautiful when it’s real. This is why you need to be patient with the one you want to be with, give them time but continue to love and pray for them. 
 
If the one you want is with someone else please let them be. If they are single and available but say ‘no’ to you, your best option is to continue being a good friend and wait patiently without pressure. When you do that, you will end up with the best love story. One day, they will fall in love with you and love you more than you ever expected. 
 
For those who can’t wait or think it is impossible to wait, know that your love is not real, so move on. When love is real, it's hard to just stop loving someone, even after they have proven to you over and over again, that they don't deserve your love. 
 
It’s bad to force someone to love you. You can't force anyone to love you just because you are in love with them. It will be like asking the snake not to bite you because you won't bite it. 
 
It is always better to wait for someone you love to see in you what you see in them, and to feel for you what you feel for them, than to force and get it, or else you will always have to force to keep. 
 
In conclusion "Love does not give up. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. Love does not put itself up as being important. Love has no pride" - 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NLV). 
 
 
 
by: Counselore Adofoli

Have you felt so much love for someone yet they don't feel the same towards you? And you think putti...

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5 Reasons Some Women Fake Orgasm; Number 5 Is Soo True!

Nana Kesse April 30, 2018

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU-wb80tMcZOhe2fV8ouirP6Tna2UOhnAqYwlfET7X7P4Vbm_J3tHP8TomwzjgixnImE2rkVo1wrh2_JZa75d5y0EWkT0-5mIqCojZqqIR_C8xj3x_f5i21_wBnJfTdLhx5J0T0O-n43Io/s1600/fake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU-wb80tMcZOhe2fV8ouirP6Tna2UOhnAqYwlfET7X7P4Vbm_J3tHP8TomwzjgixnImE2rkVo1wrh2_JZa75d5y0EWkT0-5mIqCojZqqIR_C8xj3x_f5i21_wBnJfTdLhx5J0T0O-n43Io/s1600/fake.jpg" /></a></div>This is a very sensitive topic and a typical African woman when approached with the matter comes with a lot of shyness and embarrassment, that’s just the honest truth. When a woman is making love with her husband, lover, boyfriend, friends with benefits and she gets direct clitoral stimulation and is able to reach her pleasure spot which brings an overwhelming sensation that makes a woman feels she is in another planet hmmm! And she moves her body to the rhythm as the pleasure gets more intense and her sounds gets louder followed by an apparent release then That woman is definenatly not faking this particular orgasm. But my article is talking about the women who fake orgasm and the reasons why they fake it. 
 
HERE ARE THE REASONS why SOME WOMEN FAKE orgasm. 
 
1) TOO YOUNG AND INEPERIENCED 
This is one of the natural factors - when a girl, woman, young and inexperienced. Been inexperienced doesn’t necessarily mean these set of ladies is young just not exposed enough to know much about sex and lovemaking and the pleasure that goes with it, as per the young being disvirgined then having to meet a partner who would actually teach the woman about lovemaking and that she needs to learn more about her body and not been ashamed to have the feelings of an orgasm. Due to inexperience and being young and being with a partner who is very selfish this set of women will definitely fake an orgasmjust even out of curiosity. It takes a caring and sensitive man to make them realize their body can give them intense pleasure with the right partner. 
 
2) NOT IN THE MOOD FOR SEX: 
Some set of women are not in the mood to have sex, it depends on the situation its either they are not happy with the man and don’t know how to tell him and don’t want to lose him so they endure. So most time when their man comes to have sex with them they do it with them and fake orgasm to make the men feel like a don and the king. 
 
3) TO HURRY UP AND GET DONE WITH IT: 
Well some ladies when they are with their steady partners that they are sexually active with, they have gotten so used to their partner so they just want to have sex most times and get it done with very monogamous. In the process of their sexual intercourse their partner isn’t hitting their center of gravity that would lead them to having a mind blowing orgasm so they fake it so they can move on to other things and probably work load to cook, or even go clubbing they just want the sex over and done with. 
 
4) SEX NOT SATISFYING: 
Some ladies who have been victims of sexual abuse as a young girl and probably from a dysfunctional family. Their mindset towards sex is already messed up, misguided views from their mum that sex is only for procreation and even some ladies make it hard for the men to discover their center of gravity because of their frigidness and moral values, they even feel dirty when they find themselves moaning to sex at all, they feel it’s bad, they are getting wayward so this makes them not enjoy sex at all. These set of women who are equally married to rigid men might not fully enjoy the beautiful euphoria of intense lovemaking with their partners and give them orgasm because even the men might think their faking their orgasm is bad and that their wives will cheat on them so they are even mindful faking orgasm. And those who have worldly husband who has plenty mistresses fake so as not be look like a wood in bed whereas the man is the one not getting her center of gravity cause he has other girlfriends. 
 
5) TO PLEASE THEIR PARTNERS NOT TO HURT THEIR FEELINGS: 
This is a major reason and most of these women would really want to be able to give their husband mind blowing sex, and keep him satisfied. And when in the process of having sex and their partner is not able to get across to their direct center of gravity through the sexual positions they are used to, instead of telling the guy which would destroy his self esteem. She would fake the orgasm like mehnn she is really on fire with mind blowing orgasm sensations whereas she isn’t feeling anything especially when her man pays the bills. Instead of telling their man what pleasures them how they want it they feel their man might think they are having an affair. Been open with your partner is the key to discovering pleasure spots in your body you never imagine possible. 
 
After all well said and done, faking orgasm isn’t good for us women because we are denying ourselves the ultimate pleasure of lovemaking. God created it with a committed and loving partner. Sex is for matured minds and you would take your time to explore each other’s body to have a very satisfying sex life. Let your man discover your center of gravity for you, don’t be shy and we are not in 1968 even then women became aware of their sexuality they were not completely primitive due to some ancient movies I have watched, women who inhibit themselves and hold on to grudges can’t fully enjoy sex. You have to let go, having a mind blowing orgasm is part of having a great sex life with your partner it’s very important for a relationship, so faking an orgasm one day the culprit will get tired and the truth will be out, not always a nice sight. For ladies faking orgasm sort out your mindset issue and look for caring and loving partners.

This is a very sensitive topic and a typical African woman when approached with the matter comes wit...

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Tired Of Online Dating? Here's How To Meet New People The Old Fashion Way

Nana Kesse April 30, 2018

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzYhechde40LZC-HnScI5dJ9RBuOLhjI2hK00xVj30IZGFYnh5D-M06KNvCQUbuStWF3GOHWUuWY2y5krS_ESzSFa8U-rBiPoH0iW9QL46l28UosEbjuu8OR06BdkRlRA5mabJpf7hyphenhyphenvYz/s1600/date.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="770" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzYhechde40LZC-HnScI5dJ9RBuOLhjI2hK00xVj30IZGFYnh5D-M06KNvCQUbuStWF3GOHWUuWY2y5krS_ESzSFa8U-rBiPoH0iW9QL46l28UosEbjuu8OR06BdkRlRA5mabJpf7hyphenhyphenvYz/s1600/date.jpg" /></a></div>1. Blind Dates 
I know what you are thinking. This can be kind of sketchy. Ask a friend to introduce you to new people. If it does not work out. Your new friend can introduce you to other people as well. 
 
2. Attend Various Events 
Attend various events of your interests. I would prefer going alone without any friends, you will be more approachable. By attending events, you are more incline to meet people of the same interests and you make have a lot in common. It is definitely an ice breaker at the least. 
 
3. New Places 
Out with the old spots you continue to frequent. Try out that new Jazz spot, perhaps a new restaurant or singles lounge. If you keep going to the same places you will keep meeting the same people. New places will breed new people and new experiences. 
 
4. Trivia Nights/ Social Clubs 
Try joining a social club or meetup groups. They often host trivia nights, speed dating, bowling contests and other various events for single to attend

1. Blind Dates I know what you are thinking. This can be kind of sketchy. Ask a friend to introduce ...

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A letter to the unmarried man

Stop Reporting The One You Are Dating

Don't Force Anyone To Love You

5 Reasons Some Women Fake Orgasm; Number 5 Is Soo True!

Tired Of Online Dating? Here's How To Meet New People The Old Fashion Way

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